Admitting this flaw in my character might help me to be constantly aware of my thoughts of other people and myself. And prevent the unhealthy thoughts that comes with it, eventually. Let it just penetrate me for the moment, but I am not to let it conquer me. I believe change doesnt come overnight, but atleast I have come to realize that flaw, and I am resolving to myself to never feed it again. Be aware of the irrational judgments, conclusions and opinions that my imperfect mind creates and let it be washed away by prayers and good heavenly thoughts.
Monday, May 13, 2013
My own foible.
i have this need to always be reminded of how different an individual I am. It just seems that I have always kept my eye on the surface impression of others on me. I must admit that I am quite annoyed with that trivial habit of mine. Though apparently I make it a point that I am not to become part of the non-substantial popular trend of this world. I adore that. Although of course there are exceptions, especially when my line of interests come in sight, that may somehow coincide with the rest of the flock, my age, beyond or under. Sometimes I just cannot help being guilty of comparing people, things and events. And generating unpleasant conclusions and opinions thereafter.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Monsters
Let's name this monster. Green eyed monster. Eating me up to the bone, I cant keep my concentration straight. Jealousy.
Though I know I SHOULD NOT. I NEED NOT. Its unwarranted. Uncalled for. Unnecessary. Its beyond my borders. I've got no right to be.
Why am I feeling this again. Every time. I know Im overstepping the barriers of anonimity, if I would let this feelings harbor on the bayside of my emotions.
I, for him could mean not more than a stranger. A known stranger. We're strangers for quite a long time already. I know, I know I know. I am a coward, a sissy, a chicken. Call me all labels of weakness, but I can't just help it. I can't see myself entering that unknown territory. Therefore I stick to where my safety gauges are. I could not let myself dive and get drowned into something I've never been. Well, Im too afraid that I might not be able to save myself, or that no one might rescue me. And I know, Im talking in riddles again. Puzzling people of my abstract metaphors.
But really I must admit. Im jealous.
Though I know I SHOULD NOT. I NEED NOT. Its unwarranted. Uncalled for. Unnecessary. Its beyond my borders. I've got no right to be.
Why am I feeling this again. Every time. I know Im overstepping the barriers of anonimity, if I would let this feelings harbor on the bayside of my emotions.
I, for him could mean not more than a stranger. A known stranger. We're strangers for quite a long time already. I know, I know I know. I am a coward, a sissy, a chicken. Call me all labels of weakness, but I can't just help it. I can't see myself entering that unknown territory. Therefore I stick to where my safety gauges are. I could not let myself dive and get drowned into something I've never been. Well, Im too afraid that I might not be able to save myself, or that no one might rescue me. And I know, Im talking in riddles again. Puzzling people of my abstract metaphors.
But really I must admit. Im jealous.
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