my bday boy

oh that's you.. johnny depp..;) may 49er boy..you always will be the best captain ever..:)

 stunning! you will always be that.

notyet

i need not hurry.. if its not coming now, then its not coming now. if its coming later, then its coming later. but nevertheless it would happen.. need not focus on that wanting, cause for sure, it would just arrive, signed sealed delivered. without any doubt on it.. perfectly gift wrapped in neon pink for me..:)

so what should this girl do? divert her attention to something worthwhile. to something that might affect a larger number of the human race. not just her self. do something that has a bigger cause..and only through selfless acts of service will i truly learn the art of loving..:)

remembering may 22 again..:) :(

i could vividly recall the summer of 2009. that precious friday, in my usual orange top. that day wasn't really big for me, but it did became memorable because you made it just like that. i may have been a little unapproachable then, but really inside i couldn't stop wishing id hear from you again. little did i know that it would change my whole perspective about everything back then that i dont know.

i may have acted in a kinda intimidating manner, but really it's only me and my so-called personality, really cant help it. its something innate in me. but good thing you never lost track. i just love the way you carry yourself to me and to everyone else. that aura you project, when you look at me at a distant. it just mesmerizes me. its hard not to wince and be caught off guard. its just you, but that you is a big big deal for me.

(you might have no idea, how dizzy i can be just thinking of you and the things you do.) 

your songs i could list them all. and i am still able to sing every phrase of those songs that you have sung and i openly appreciated.:) 

that first movie..;) i could never forget that. how you argue with me on how Johnny Depp is ugly, while i, defensively giving all the reasons why he's not.:) 

plus all those korean movie series you gladly lend me, those korean series that has no english subtitles. and me thinking how on earth could i decipher what those aliens are speaking. but it was very cute of you, offering something that i love, but you yourself have no idea of.:)

and remember the pictures. you're just very showy at times..:) but i still love every bit of it.

but the nail cutter nailed everything. with that simple gesture, you took my breath away. how lovely and sweet of you to borrow a rusty unusable nailcutter, while me insisting that you could no longer use it, but your will is much greater than mine, so you insisted that you want that nailcutter and only that nailcutter alone.. and giving it back to me as good as new. :)

 (i couldnt help smiling) ;)

and the way you say sorry. and the way you get my attention, its just something ive never seen before. quite extraordinary. if you know what i mean.

and the way you stroke and play with our dog. your senseless chitchats (but no one could beat that). :)

and the way you stare at me. i just cant resist it.

those are just few of the things i dearly miss. if you know what i mean. its just so lonely out here i feel i could die. but i dont have the courage to forgive and forget. there are just some things that are better left as it is. though i still miss you, i couldnt and wouldnt say those words right at your face. its better left unsaid. that's why it's part of history, could never be rewinded, and be played again with a different ending. 

i should admit that its a bitter pill for me to swallow. you know that very well. regrets would always be part of it. i should know. but its time to let go. let's learn. 

for always people come and people go.

for you and for me we're nothing but just a passing presence in each other's life. but thank you dearly. and sincerely.

inspired, copied, pasted,posted

‎"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

in the same vein... “Love is not just a feeling. It’s a choice, a commitment, a way of behaving toward another. Love is not simply an event that happens to you. Rather, love is something you choose to do. The state of being in love is simply a prelude to love. But most people make the mistake of thinking they’re one and the same thing. We are all given circumstances by which we can exercise the choice to love. That’s the thunderbolt that God supplies. It’s that instant attraction to another person, those warm, fuzzy feelings, that fever akin to drunkenness or madness that causes you to know that you’re in love. But it’s what you choose to do after that thunderbolt has passed that matters. You choose whether you’re going to continue loving the other person after the drunkenness has dissipated, after the frills of romance have fallen away. You choose whether you’re going to continue to seek the best interests of the other person, and care about him or her through any and all circumstances — and for how long. Love is a conscious choice.” - Midwinter Turns to Spring by Maria Veloso :)

You justify yourselves in the sight of others…” – Luke 16:15

 

oh

oh and by the way, it's november 1. It's All Saints Day. i almost forgot that one. Prayers. Solemnity. Silence.

random things

it must have been said that one of the most significant element in a woman's life is her passion for her craft. as for me, i think i have temporarily abandoned my craft, and that is expressing the very thoughts of this young lass.

i miss the pen and the paper. i miss the trash can and the crumpled pieces of my torned notebook. and i miss my inspiration. but geez that inspiration could be anyone and anything. so that should be slashed off in the list. harmlessly, also i should admit that i have been hurt. by many things that has occurred like a torpedo this year. although a lot of blessings has come, there are also things i could never hold forever. fleeting things. passing. coming. and then staying for a while. then watching it fly. away. sadly, yes of course. but nevertheless i have to be grateful for the opportunity of having it pass and knock to my door.  sincerely thanks.

on the other hand, i have to make up my mind, whether or not to pursue this thing my brain is engaged in at the moment. its going back to school NOW and that means i have to handle the finances. or LATER which means I have to wait for the go-signal of my authorities(them, who would handle the expense). that's another angle of my hypothalamus.

another thing I am overly concerned of, is my overspending for BOOKS. I should take a hold of it. although I know it's a good investment, but not every now and then. as in every week I buy, 10-15 books.oh jeez. I keep on buying, and it's killing my account. should i not be bothered? after all it is not for anything but books. and it is my money. but im not a money maker yet. so i really should tighten my belt when the temptation comes.

and should i put emphasis on the fact that the last post i made on this blog was of last year. awful.:( and the last time i penned a poem was nine months ago. alarming yes.. and i should be asking meself, do i still know how to hold a pen? i should be trying later. for the record i will.:)

i'll weave a five stanza <or more> poem later. for the things that has happened to my previous nine months, for the people that might have been relevant in those nine months. for the little nonsense things that proved amusing and pleasurable to me. for all the emotions that has been stirred during that period. for the losses that tried and tested my endurance and steadfastness. and of course the gifts and the gains that has been bestowed upon me. im all excited to do that piece so, tata for now.

p.s.

also, i saw someone from the past last sunday, and i thought i would feel all the stirring trapped emotions I had before, but happily I didnt. i may have grown, for i no longer am holding to the webs of the past. when i saw him, it didnt felt awkward. i just smiled. and then go. it didnt even caught my attention for long. good thing, really. good to know that i am being updated. keep it up, jen, your doing great.