My ever changing mind

Perhaps it is true, women, when given choices and time, change their views and perspective, quite quickly than a thunderbolt.I did. Apparently in my case, or is it much appropriate to say that taking up Law was something I have to overthink, overanalyze and overponder about. Honestly I need not, it was never founding on me, that I did have an interest with the field. I might have been for a short while caught up and corrupted by the glitz, glamour, prestige and position that most legal advocates enjoy. But to say that I have a deep and profound reason for this exodus is to become a despised clown of myself. I never had a calling for this. So far I havent had.

I have to admit that I have been a pretender all this time. Proclaiming to everyone I know that I'll be taking up Law when I know in myself, there really is no flaming torch in me for such a noble ambition. I didnt even know how to properly answer a simple question why I want to be a lawyer? So, you see it's distressing to find the right words to articulately express yourself and impress the other, when all you have is a bunch of fabricated beautiful lies, you cannot substantiate, because it is not sincere. Gesture. Nothing but a waste of time to impress.

I have pondered on this. And finally I came to the conclusion that I can never get to the bottom of the ocean, when I always struggle on the shoreline. What I mean is, my goal has always been self discovery and I can not achieve it by thriving on a different direction. Just because of the promise of ephemeral worldly praise, prominent social status and the insignificant trivial things worshiped by ephemeral people, I have let myself get drifted away from my very purpose. I am not after the worldly rewards of this short lived life, I should not be under a human ideology, for I am under the blanket of Divine Love. Therefore my quest is not based on the standards of this critical world. It is beyond human comprehension.

Let me always be reminded that I am not to chase the wind. For it is and has always been brought to nothingness and vanity.